‘What doesn’t kill you…’

I’m a happy person.
And stubborn too.
In fact, I’m stubbornly happy.
With lots of hope and complete trust in God.
I always try to be happy with whatever I have. Or Had.

Except when it is 9th of January of each year.

I was 14 years old when my father was shot. Dead!
No, he wasn’t a part of any gang. Or politics. Or anything of that sort. He was genuinely the most loved-by-all-type-of man that even after more than a decade people remember him in the most wonderful words ever.

father

بِچھڑا وہ اِس ادا سے کے رُت ہی بدل گئ
اک شخص سارے شہر کو ویران کر گیا

Till this day I wonder what life would have been like if somehow January 9th got skipped from the calendar of 2002. How he would have surprised me on my 16th birthday? What my high-school & university achievements, scholarships, certificates of excellence, and graduations would’ve felt like if he was there to celebrate? Would I have missed a whole year before applying to go to college? How my wedding would be like if he walked me down the aisle?

He taught me how to be strong. How to keep my head high. How to always be with truth regardless of the consequences because in the end, truth always prevails.

I wish I kissed his hands and face often. I wish I expressed and said that I love him out loud. I wish I hugged him for all those times he looked towards me with love and forgave my mistakes. I wish I thanked him every time he took me out to eat when I didn’t like the homemade food and also thanked him for buying and filling my drawers with things before I even asked for them.

گزر تو جاےّ گی تیرے بغیر بھی لیکن
بہت اداس بڑی بیقرار گزرے گی۔۔۔

I write this blog entry before January 9 ends to pour my overflowing heart out so it feels a little less heavy. And my pillow gets a little less wet with tears. And someone out there feels a little less unfortunate. I try to remind myself that…

‘What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger’

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20 thoughts on “‘What doesn’t kill you…’

  1. Pingback: Mehroomi | رنگِ حیات

  2. I am sorry for your loss, may the time ease the pain, and may you realise that he is well and looking out for you wanting you to be happy and loved. 🙂

  3. Its been 14 years since I lost my brother; Blood cancer was the reason! I am a happy person and a firm believer of almighty God and I think this faith and realization is there because just like you I have a deep understanding for suffering. What doesn’t kills you, makes you strong, stronger and in fact strongest with each passing day. Be the way you are; love and innocence is not everybody’s cup of tea my dear 🙂

  4. I lost my mother at 11. I am now 56 and there is still a little place in my heart that is empty. I believe those of us who experience such a tragic loss at such a young age are blessed. Yes, we know suffering much sooner than we should, but we learn how to overcome tragedy and how to be strong when others may be weak; we are survivors and that spirit will stay with us and get us through difficult times in our lives. We have guardian angels who watch over us diligently and are there for us when we need them. Your father knows how much you love him and how thankful you are for the experiences you shared with him. You are who you are because of those experiences. He is with you now and always.

  5. Ur post was an emotional read.isn’t it strange how a daily prompt,such a seemingly simple given task,can tehn bring on ur type of post.a post,a photo with so much more to it.I’m new to the site,reading this is beautiful and I’m glad I signed up.xx

  6. What a wonderful post in memory of your father. I happened upon your post as an assignment for Blogging 101. I had used the same prompt for an assignment on Monday and today we had to read other posts that were derived from the same prompt. I find very interesting how that particular prompt inspired you to write about the loss of your dad. This was a very poignant post.

  7. May ur dad and my dad rest in peace hbeebti.. Im sorry for ur loss, but i assure u, he is one proud dad watching over u from Janna and Ull reunite there i promise Enshallla *huggggg*

  8. Pingback: Thorns | Rima Hassan

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